Providing People With Validation Of Their Feelings

 

Understanding Validation: A Way to Communicate Acceptance

• Validation communicates that a relationship is important and solid even when two parties disagree.
• Using validation effectively begins with being present, both with one's own emotions as well as others'.
• Being uncomfortable with emotions may lead one to inadvertently invalidate another person's experience.
• Validation is never about lying or simply agreeing with someone else, but rather understanding their point of view.

• Many people still don’t understand the power of therapy and tend to think:
  1-How can a stranger help me.
  2-What is the point of going and venting over and over?3-What can somebody see something I can’t see in my own life

But situations like the following make me realize the importance of one of the main concepts people learn and experience in therapy.

Validation

Client tells with a confused look in his eyes and trying to contain the pain. I really don’t share much. I am close to my family but really never shared with them much. Ummm interesting. I don’t share much with my partner either….maybe I am just an introvert. I like to process things on my own. Ummm more interesting

Yesterday for example, my mom called and asked how my week was. It wasn’t too good but when was going to share a particular situation she proceeded to start telling me what happened to her and he realized her week was much worse than his so he wanted to be there for her. However, during the session it turns out that a part of him felt good for being supportive of his mother and in comparison his week not being so bad.

On the other hand, another part of him felt alone, kinda of angry and confused.

What happened in this innocent, more common than not family interaction:

There is no validation of feelings, reality or internal experience from the listener to the person sharing. When that is a big part of any relationship there is no depth or healthy intimacy. So what is VALIDATION? Are you familiar with this word?

Unfortunately this very important word is not part of most people language. For many people, validation is a foreign concept. No wonder more mental disorders are diagnosed on daily basis and new ones are being added to the DSM-IV (The Diagnostic of Mental Health Disorders)

What Validation Is

Emotional validation is the process of learning about, understanding, and expressing acceptance of another person’s emotional experience. See a good apology. Emotional validation is distinguished from emotional invalidation, in which another person’s emotional experiences are rejected, ignored, or judged. (Feil, Naomi, Validation Institute, 2012)

To validate someone’s feelings is first to be open and curious about someone’s feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them. Validation doesn’t mean that you have to agree with or that the other person’s experience has to make sense to you. On the other hand, it is to leave your own interpretations and opinions and be open to how other people can have different ones.

When we validate someone, we allow them to safely share their feelings and thoughts.

We are reassuring them that it is okay to have the feelings they have. We are demonstrating that we will still accept them after they have shared their feelings. We let them know that we respect their perception of things at that moment. We help them feel heard, acknowledged, understood and accepted.

Sometimes validation entails listening and waiting for the person to share instead of running into problem solving, sometimes it is a nod or a sign of agreement or understanding, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk. It is a feedback however, so it is important to emphasize that silence doesn’t qualify as a validating answer.